I wanted to stop forcing myself to live
Without understanding what was making me sad.
It felt like I hadn’t changed, but rather
That I was being left behind by the world.
It’s just that I didn’t have the maturity or the mindset to let go, as evidenced by my immature tweets from back then.
Everyone else seemed to have it together, while I felt like I couldn’t do anything.
I didn’t understand the atmosphere or values around me.
“I want to disappear once this night is over.”
I want to stop clinging to the past.
I want to live only seeing the light.
I want to die believing only in beauty.
I want to cherish every breath.
I want there to be more to justice than just being right.
Unable to value myself,
I lost sight of whether I could love someone else.
But if you’re thinking the same thing,
Then I don’t think I’ll ever be the one to be loved.
If I say I’m lonely, I’ll only feel lonelier.
I’m starting to realize I’m not special.
The last time I looked up, the night sky was the most beautiful thing in the world.
I want to live only seeing the light.
I want to die believing only in beauty.
I want to cherish every breath.
I want there to be more to justice than just being right.
Hiding my true feelings, my words are disappearing.
Changes are easily found, and my place is disappearing too.
Hey, stay quietly by my side more and more.
Hey, be gentle to me more and more.
I wish I had said it back then.