Morning started off kinda lazy, I hit the Jack
Rolled outta bed and stepped on a stray thumbtack (Ow!)
I thought, “DAMN. This day is turning out like a bitch.”
What could make it better? Shit, I know. A fuckin’ chicken sandwich.
I left the house, hit my favorite joint
Where the bread ain’t all that soggy and the chicken on point
Through the doors I explode, like dynamite (Bang, bang, bang)
The drool is flowing like my bars, and I want that bite.
Walked up to the register with swagger and poise
I find myself in front of some scrawny teenage boy
Wouldn’t be surprised if the kid was one of my fans
So I lower my glasses and stare as long as I can
He says, “Uuuuh… sir, can I take your order?”
I woulda called him kinda cute if he was just a bit shorter
I rolled my eyes though, because I gotta keep my cool
I say, “I’m tryna get a fuckin’ chicken sandwich, fool.”
He looks at me with dead eyes, and now I wanna punch him out
But I hold back my pride cuz this still bad for my clout
He says, “Do you want fries?”, I say, “The fuck do you think??”
He says, “Another dollar fifty, you can choose a drink”
I say, “Okay, let’s get a Cola.”, he says, “Sorry, we’re out.”
“Well, fuck it, guess I’ll get a lemonade”, I started to shout.
He asked me, “Do you want a small or large?”, I said, “LARGE, MANG.”
He says, “Alright, that’s gonna be another dollar, then.”
… I roll my eyes and say, “Fine, I’ll get the small.”
He says, “Will that complete your order?” Like he ten feet tall.
I say, “You didn’t ask me for the size of the sandwich OR the fries!!”
Cashier boy reviews the shit, says, “I apologize.”
“If you want the special small combo, you get a discount.”
I say, “Alright, that sounds kinda nice, but what’s the fry count?”
“Uuuuh, something like eight fries?”
“Nah, FUCK that shit”
“I’ve had it, go ahead and get yo boy a BIG SUPER sized”
“Okay, sir, would you like an apple pie or dessert with your meal?”
I look the bitch in the eyes and say with nerves of steel
“I’ll take a soft serve ice cream.” “Cone or a cup?”
“GIVE ME A CONE, BITCH. ORDER DONE, NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP.”
“Your total’s $7.99, sir”, hand him a ten.
I don’t even count the change, just stare at him again (cuz I’m rich)
“Keep the mayonnaise off my fuckin’ sandwich, boy.
Or I’ll tear the roof off the place and leave it destroyed.” (No mayo)
He says, “I just put the order in, we gotta redo it” (What?)
I say, “No way in hell”, he says, “I’ll tell the cook…” Bitch, I knew it!!
Lazy ass little kid got me lookin’ like the bad guy.
I take my seat and wait for my chicken and fries and
FUCK, SHIT, in my anger I forgot my drink.
The empty cup is waiting on the counter, right by the sink.
I grab the motherfucker ‘fo I hit the ice machine
Slam it hard against the button- what comes out? NOTHING.
I say, “Y’all outta ice.” Another worker comes out.
He says, “My man, I get the message, but you don’t gotta shout.”
He brings out a bucket of ice. I stay there tapping my foot
He pauses for a minute saying, “I forgot where it’s put…”
I grab a handful of ice and shove it into my cup
He looks at me like I’m a basket case, like I give a fuck!
I smash the lemonade button, THANK GOD the shit ain’t broken
Grab a lid and a straw, hit the table, then start smokin’
Little ice boy looks at me and says, “You can’t smoke here.”
I stand up again and tower over him to invoke fear… (What’s up, bitch?)
Except the ice dude is just about my height.
I roll my eyes, flick the cig, and say, “I get it, alright?”
Sit back down, where the fuckin’ chicken sandwich at?
And started regretting my decision, I don’t wanna get fat.
Another ten minutes pass, I see my joint on the counter.
Shit, I forgot that they don’t bring it to you, fuck all them cowards!
Now the soft serve is melted and the chicken is cold.
Lookin’ desperately at all this bullshit I was sold.
But fuck it, grab my meal, make my way to the table.
At least I got my fuckin’ food so now I’m feelin’ stable.
Little grin on my face cuz the shit still look good
Make myself a little napkin bib as any thug should
First I go in for a bite into this chicken delight
The first thing I taste is MAYONNAISE, I’M READY TO FIGHT.
I shout, “THE FUCK DID I SAY?? ABOUT NO MAYO ON MY ORDER?”
Cashier kid shouts, “I forgot to say the change costs a quarter.”
“Y’all are charging me for taking something OFF the food?!”
And now the manager comes out and says, “Sir, you’ve been rude,
And now you gotta go.” “WHAT?? But it’s not my mistake??”
He’s got a scowl and a mustache, and hair that looks fake.
I call him out and say, “My man, I got BILLS TO PAY.
I got a life to live, and all you got is a toupée!”
He threw me out after that. Did not go down with no fight.
I left the bitch with a scratch, he left my arm with a bite.
They shut the door in my face, the sandwich still in the place.
I headed to the city ward so I could make my case
At least I’m going there now because recording is finished
And my hunger is real, and my drive is diminished
The moral of the story is: kids, don’t order food
Because this shit will leave ya salty and in worse of a mood, uh
Shoutout to Tako Eats. I’m out this bitch.